laneys.info Beware of Yankees, drunks, and loose women.

My friend Gil posted some funny zingers about Republicans in a comment to my Centrist blog posting.  Since I am a centrist, I am also an equal-opportunity offender.

He did forget a few of the requirements for being a Republican:

1. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
2. You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.
3. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
4. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
5. Human life is sacred, unless you're a criminal or happen to be too poor to afford health insurance.
6. A fetus should be legally protected, but once born, he should pull himself up by his bootstraps.
7. A person that depends on government welfare programs is a lazy, good-for-nothing freeloader, but corporations need government subsidies, interest-free loans, and tax breaks in order to compete in the global marketplace.

Here are a few of the requirements for being a Democrat, some of which come from Rich Lowry:

1. The United Nations is the world's last, best hope, and every jot of its writ should always be respected, unless it inconveniences Saddam Hussein.
2. A weapons inspection program in Iraq that couldn't make any progress in over a decade should have been given more time, because it was the best way to disarm Saddam Hussein.
3. That anyone who said Saddam had weapons of mass destruction prior to the war was lying, unless his or her name is Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Madeleine Albright, Bill Cohen, John Kerry, Joe Lieberman, Sandy Berger, Carl Levin, Tom Daschle, Nancy Pelosi, Ted Kennedy, Robert Byrd, Jay Rockefeller, Hillary Clinton, or Bob Graham.  (Citations available.)
4. That George Bush maneuvering the United States into war is an act of manipulative genius, and he also is very stupid.
5. That the U.S. military is overextended -- and should be smaller.
6. That Bush is responsible for an economic downturn that began before he was elected and that Clinton is responsible for an economic recovery that began before he was elected.
7. That it is evil to be rich, unless you happen to be a United States congressman, Hollywood artist, or George Soros.
8. Killing a convicted murderer is barbaric, but abortion is a basic human right.
9. The Patriot Act is denying Americans their liberties, and John Kerry, Joe Lieberman, John Edwards, or Bob Graham should be elected president after having voted for it.
10. That library records are sacred, but the Constitution -- a "living document" subject to manipulation by judges -- is not.
11. That the best way to prevent violent crime is to pass laws that restrict access to weapons, since criminals will obey the gun laws.
12. That the Constitution grants powers to the government and the Bill of Rights guarantees the rights of the people, except for the Second Amendment, which only applies to the National Guard.

I've become increasingly dissatisfied with both major political parties in this country.  Neither one is really interested in promoting the common weal, they're too busy trying to score points against the other side like 10-year-olds on the playground.  The Republicans used to accuse the Democrats of being "tax-and-spend liberals."  But have you seen the amount of Federal spending lately?  Don't even get me started on the Federal deficit.  At least the Democrats suggest raising taxes in order to pay for all the spending they want to do.  The Republicans seem to think they can increase spending and cut taxes at the same time.  The Democrats have such a "big tent" that they're trying to win the votes of both sides of some issues - like the labor unions who represent lumberjacks and the militant, anti-logging, environmentalist groups.

The immigration debate has really brought the parties' disregard to the forefront.  One poll shows that support for an "enforcement-first" policy on immigration is over 60% in all states but one, meaning Congress should enforce existing laws and control the border before considering new reforms, yet we still have a debate raging in Congress about "what to do" on immigration.  Hello?  Are you my representatives, or oligarchs?

During the 2004 election cycle, I found an excellent comparison of the different political parties and their platforms.  Some of the results were surprising, as I remember it, but now that I want to go back and read it again, I can't find anything like it.

So, basically, I'm looking for a third party that doesn't suck and has a snowball's chance in you-know-where of getting a decent candidate.  I'm not so concerned with the idea of my vote not counting, since I'm pretty disappointed about what my vote is buying when it supposedly counts.  The Libertarians appear to be the most viable party politically, but they also seem to live in this dream world where, if the government will just get out of the way, everyone will behave in a socially responsible manner and we'll all be better off.  Feh.  Green party?  Please.  Reform party?  No, thank you.

Stay tuned.  The 2008 election cycle is just around the corner, and I really hope to have a viable, centrist party that I can throw my support behind by then.